Archive of ‘Action’ category

being afraid to dream.

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It is no secret. I have dreamed of becoming a published author for many, many years.  dreambigger5 It’s easy to dream…to think up shelves and shelves of story ideas…of chapters that will fill beautiful covers, and words that will capture readers into a page-turning frenzy. It’s easy to jot them down, with great intentions. And it’s really easy to talk about these dreams…

because that’s all it is.

It’s talk.

When I find myself brainstorming like crazy over yet another book that I would love to write, that I’m sure people would love to read, I’m usually trying to go to sleep, or am in the shower, or driving home from work. And then life throws up its usual blockades and I forget to really work toward my dream.

I do the dishes. Or I watch t.v. with the family. I’m tired. And I don’t have the drive or mindset to sit down and write. I want to, though.

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Lately, I’ve found that I’m becoming annoyed with myself. I’m afraid that I might actually be a little chicken to really do what it takes to make my dreams into a reality. I’m afraid that my dreams are shrinking…and that I’m not dreaming big enough anymore.

Doubt prods at me.

What if I’m not really meant to be published?
What if my calling is somewhere else?
What if writing is just supposed be a hobby, and nothing more?
Who would really want to read what I have to say?

These thoughts push out, weigh down, squash and belittle what I’ve longed for…what I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl.

And I think it’s totally normal for any dreamer to go through this sort of… trial…
Maybe it’s a test, if you will. But really, I believe that doubt is a form of fear.

There is a quote from Job that says: for the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.

You know… there have been a few times throughout my life when that quote has actually been my reality. I feared something, because “things were just too good to be true,” and it happened…just as I’d feared. #wtf  ….Now, I realize…Job had it really bad; he went through so much. And my shrinking dreams pale in comparison. But what if there is something to that quote….

brooke2 This is what I’m realizing today (lately, really)…that my doubts have been starting to tamp out the fire that has been burning since I was a little girl. They’re overshadowing the passion that I’ve felt for writing and, honestly, it’s starting to tick me off. So I’ve decided…

I’m not going to let my fears rain down anymore.
I’m not going to let my doubts ruin my plans.
I’m not going to give in to something smaller.
I’m not going to stop dreaming.

Even if that means that it takes a while…and that I never become notorious. I’m going to let my dreams grow. I’m going to let them spread their wings. I’m going to dream bigger. And I feel like this mind set, this resolve, will help me to make my dreams into realities. I remember that God really did give me this dreaming heart, and a talent to back it up.

Why deny such a beautiful gift?

When I trust in Jesus to take me on the right path…
When I trust in him to carry me through an interview…
…or put my family in the right place, the right home, the right situation…

That’s when I am facing my fears with a solid footing.
My faith brings me resolve and strength when I’d otherwise shrink and fade.

When fear sets in, on Christ the Solid Rock I stand.

Two songs come to mind right now.

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Katy Perry’s Roar and Beckah Shae’s No More. Both feel like they’re kind of my theme songs right now.

“Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake your ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now”

“I’m sick and tired of all you’re lies
nothing you say could make me
Agree with you, I know the truth
nothing you do could break me
You just don’t know who your messing with I’m a warrior
Oh! Go! I’m telling you, no more!”

time for a revolt.

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Hey Yall!!

You may remember that a while back I announced my word of the year…. ACTION.

I talked about how I wanted this year to be one where I bring my goals and dreams to fruition.

One such goal in particular that I have is finding my “comfy skin.” I’ve talked about this before and it’s one of my 30 in 30 goals. In the past this skrinkage goal of mine  has been such a struggle, and honestly it still is… fighting body image and weight loss with the wrong armor and wrong strategy is a great way to suck at what you’re attempting to do….and a great way to fall into a dreadful endless cycle. I wrote:

I know I’m so very guilty of not seeing my goals through to completion. Year after year I have set, and spoke of, weight loss goal after weight loss goal… with no lack of fire in my heart, let me tell you. But every year, those numbers on the scale continue to creep up instead of fall down. Every year, I seem to find myself saying, “this year…”

I think…I know… that in order to break out of this crap cycle that I’ve fallen into, I’ve got to change my mind set. I’ve got to see myself with different eyes. And I’ve got to accept that my last and final battle against this self-image monster I’ve let wreak havoc over the the last decade is going to be a tough one.

Last week I talked about emanating love and sending out goodness into the world…something to the tune of,

I wrote:

God made me so uniquely and intentionally…That he does not make mistakes…That his works are wonderful and powerful…and that I AM ONE OF THEM…

Realizing this, and embracing this…and actually letting God purge me of the mental oppression that I’ve been living with…has allowed me to begin the healing process. It has allowed me to genuinely send out those good vibes and amazing love that I have been blessed with. I know that God has created me with purpose and intent. I haven’t been placed on this Earth to sit around and wallow in sadness and depression. I haven’t been sent here to create negativity or disdain for myself or others.

Finding My Comfy Skin

For me, reaching this goal means so much more than just losing weight. For me, it means coming into a place where I am truly happy with myself…heart, body, & mind.

I think I’m getting there now. I feel like I am… at least on an internal level. I know that I am worth more than just the numbers on the scale. And I am happy with the woman that I am constantly growing  into and becoming. Gotta say… it totally helps that I’ve got the man upstairs on my side. Yaya!

So….Now it’s time for me to start getting there on a physical level. It’s time for me to refuel my body and bring it to strength.

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to join a movement called Revolt.

I won’t go into the details too much right now, but if you’re interested in finding out what it’s all about, click on the image below.  (I made it from some screen shots I grabbed from the site.)

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Yall, I am excited to be a part of this program. It’s so doable for me. Easy meals (that I do not dread eating) and fun workouts that I can do at home if I want (Nichole films the workouts deliberately in her living room!!)….that’s the stuff this thing is made of.

I’ll be posting about once a week or so, talking about my progress and how things are going. I’ve no idea if I’ll be tracking my stats here on the blog…but I invite you to follow along!!

Here goes nothin’!

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